Never Will I Ever Not
by squaredplanet
Summary: Post 4x08. Damon is told how the sire bond works and a question arises. Elena may be sired to him but was he sired to someone else? He sets out to confront the only person who can answer that: Katherine. Majorly DK. One Shot.


**Title: Never Will I Ever Not**

**Set: Post 4x08 **

**A/N: What the actual fuck is this? Guys, I really needed to get this out of my system so forgive me if there's anything inaccurate on here but dude! DATHERINE! ****OH and I just want to also thank a tumblr friend of mine who help keep me inspired. I probably would've never finished this thing without her! :D **

**Also I could not think of a title. Don't judge me!**

**This is for all my datherine homies (did I reeally just say that) out there! I thought you guys might like this, especially with how well (and I say that sarcastically) the writers have handled our OTP this current season! **

**Hope you all like it! ENJOY! **

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It was almost fact that finding Katherine Pierce was harder than finding a four-leaf clover in a vast green field. After all, she did have a half millennium track record under her belt.

No, Katherine Pierce wasn't one to be found—if anything she would find you.

So when Damon set out to find the ex-loveofhislife he wasn't too optimistic for any immediate results. He just knew if anyone would find her he could, if not eventually.

It had been a while since he and Stefan had trekked to New Orleans in search of sire bond answers that didn't come from a biased hybrid original. They had found a witch and an unwilling one at that, but even then she had offered an answer. One that had made his undead heart skip a beat; though after she was done he couldn't help dread all the baggage that came with her information.

Elena had feelings for him—he knew that already—but the confirmation that it was enough to bind her to him, even after death, left him elated. He just wished that that tie wasn't something as complicated as a sire bond. And of course that wasn't the best part—no, the real kicker was that to break it he would have to let her go.

He would have to look her in the eyes and tell her to leave. To forget about him and to never look back.

And for the second time he had felt nothing but hopelessness. How could he tell the woman that he loved to go away? How could he let her go when he had just begun to have her? And why the hell did the sire bond have to exist?

As questions similar to those ran over and over in his head he knew he would never be able to just let her go. At least not by himself. Elena had no free will, but that didn't mean she didn't love him. She was devoted to him entirely and wasn't that what love was?

He'd shaken his head then as he tried to convince himself because even he knew that wasn't true.

Damon parked his car down the road from a small house with a single number eight on its mailbox. He gave the white picket fence a once over as he walked towards it.

He had successfully ignored Elena for a day before something he hadn't even been thinking about hit him.

Somewhere in his head something had instantly clicked in place and he felt like a bus had run him over and then backed up on him for good measure. His whole undead life, the past 147 years of his existence, had been devoted to one person and one person only. It couldn't have been coincidence that he hadn't stopped looking; that every fiber of his being and every thought after that dreaded night had all been centered on _her_. He had been so shocked he hadn't done anything until Stefan, oblivious, had come into the study.

The question that popped into his head was something he wanted to ask in person. And if he was being honest, he wanted a distraction (if he could even call this that).

Damon surveyed the neighborhood he found himself in and frowned, it definitely did _not_ scream Katherine Pierce, and therefore he must be at the right place. After knocking on the door once, he snuck in (surprisingly he could), settled himself into a single's couch in a plain living room and waited. No one was home or else he would've been attacked already but as soon _she_ got home, she would find a little surprise.

Moments (that felt like hours) later the front door opened and shut. There were the toss of keys and the click of heels that paused in the foyer just before the living room. Quickly, Damon got up, speeding to where she was, intending to grab her.

A slight shift in air passed by him and he stood in the foyer by himself.

"Damon," Katherine spoke from behind him and he turned, "I thought I smelt desperation."

"Oh ow, that hurt," he feigned, placing a hand over his heart.

"What do you want, Damon?"

"Well hello to you too. Though you are right, I do want something," he said moving in, in order to meet her with an even gaze, "I want answers."

She tilted her head, "Don't we all."

He sighed deeply, "You're the only one that can answer them for me."

"Hmm," she purred, her eyes wandering. He could see how that made the wheels in her head turn.

In theory this had been easy but a part of him was still afraid of what she'd say.

"Well?" she inquired.

"Klaus is gone," he began. It was as good a start as any.

"So I've heard," she said, moving away towards the front window and peering outside without touching the curtains.

"So you know about Elena," he stated rather than asked.

She turned back to him, "What about my lesser self?"

She knew, he could tell. With a deep sigh he stated what every supernatural with ears seemed to know, "Elena died and was turned."

A corner of Katherine's lips lifted, "I may have heard something about that."

With a roll of his eyes he continued, "She was turned with my blood and because of that she became sired to me."

Her eyes found his, nodding, "Oh yes, I think someone did tell me about that. But you know, word of mouth isn't as reliable as it used to be."

She smirked and he rolled his eyes again.

"She does what I want. Every word. Even unconsciously. Right down to only taking blood the way I say to."

After a moment she asked, "And what, pray tell, does this have to do with me?"

"According to a witch the sired will do anything that makes the sire happy. And it's no secret I always wanted Elena's love."

Katherine's gaze drifted, uninterested, "Please get to a point."

"Was I sired to you?" he asked seriously.

She looked to him with an indecipherable expression. His heart stopped at her gaze.

And then she burst into laughter.

Damon barely held back his shock as anger set in. He couldn't help but feel stupid. He was always, always being played the fool. Especially with Katherine.

"Just answer the question, Katherine. Was I sired to you?"

Her laugh subsided but her eyes sparkled with amusement, "That's why you came here? _That's _your million dollar question?"

"Answer the damn question," he took a slow step closer that, to anyone else, would've appeared threatening.

Katherine tilted her head, her amusement dissipating at his tone. She stared at him for a long time before responding.

"Yes."

He hadn't known what to expect but Damon felt his shoulders drop slightly.

"You were sired, Damon," Katherine said as her eyes softened, "The past one hundred forty five years was a lie. You never loved me. And I never loved you. That was the sire bond."

At her words he stood a bit straighter, trying not to take a step back. His eyes darted across her face, searching. Looking for anything—any tell that he could find that could help him read her.

"You're lying."

Katherine's eyes narrowed, "And whys that?"

"You would never be so forward about the truth. Lies, you could spew out one after the other, but the truth?"

She shook her head.

"Believe what you want, Damon but I'm not lying. That is the truth," Katherine said.

"As much as I want to believe that; the whole truth? From _you_?" he held her gaze long and hard, before finally speaking again, "Like when you said it was always Stefan?"

Katherine shifted, "Hold on," she let out a small chuckle, "You sure you want to bring your brother into this?"

"Everything about you is a lie."

"Because we all know how that ends," she spoke over him.

With more persistence he continued, ignoring her, "Your name? Your whereabouts?"

"I have no idea what you're getting at."

"I mean why did you even give me Klaus' blood when I was bitten?"

"Nor do I have the patience," she said carelessly, turning to leave.

"_Or_," he emphasized, "when you told Stefan to care and managed to actually have him flip his switch and save me?"

She paused, her already knitted brows came closer together. She turned to him with a look of utter confusion, "What are you talking about?"

"There's no use denying it, I know about that little stunt of yours. Stefan told me," he spat, "Why did you do it, huh? Because it was always Stefan?"

Katherine shook herself out of her surprise, "What the fuck do you want, Damon?"

She sighed sharply but he learned long ago to read between the lines.

"For godsake, I know better than to expect any truth from you," he spoke, tired, "but I am _begging_ you. Just this once. Tell me the _truth_."

He was pleading, and he found that he couldn't care less. He needed this resolved. His confusion, his hate—he needed to finally close the centuries long chapter in his life that was Katherine Pierce. He needed to be able to look at Katherine-and physically, by extension Elena-and not feel that tiny minuscule piece of his heart chip off at what they could've been. He needed to _move on, _and that wouldn't happen without some closure.

"What do you want me to say? I already told you, you were sired! It's not my problem that you won't accept it!"

Before she knew it his hands were on her face roughly pulling her into a kiss. There was a moment where Katherine froze as his fingers ran through the roots of her hair and then she kissed back.

With a shove Damon flew into the opposite wall.

Katherine's chest rose as she took a deep breath, her eyes glaring at him.

"You really think that for _145_ _years_ that you _loved_ me? That you were spoken for? That was the sire bond, Damon. I'm not lying. It wasn't _real_ and it's ridiculous how much it still has a hold on you."

Damon clenched his jaw, and curled his fist, "I wasn't sired."

"You were, Damon. I don't know what you _really _came here for but whatever it is you're not going to find it here. I_ never_ loved you," She chuckled, "That's your problem, you always confuse lust with love. Newsflash, Salvatore, it's not the same thing."

"'You _were_,'" he repeated her words as he stood, not bothering to straighten his jacket, "You said I was sired. Past tense. You're lying, and you know how I know that?"

"If you haven't noticed I don't really care what you think, Damon."

He ignored her, "If I was sired to you then when you came back the first time, you let me go when you said it was always Stefan," he shook his head, "And a conniving bitch like you wouldn't have the balls to do that. You're selfish, like me. You would never let go if you had that much power over me."

He wanted the truth, and even as she told him her "truth"—the truth that he had been expecting—he couldn't shake this feeling. He couldn't ignore that every fiber of his being was suddenly telling him she was lying about the sired bond.

Katherine raised a brow, and for the first time he noticed the subtle way her shoulders lowered, "Projecting are you?"

"What?"

"Is that what you're doing to Elena? Not letting her go for your own sake?"

His face scrunched up, "This isn't about Elena."

"Oh but it is," she pushed, "She's sired to you and you won't let her go. Did you come here wanting to know how to do it?"

"Jesus, Katherine, this isn't about Elena!"

"It's easier than you think," she came closer to him, tilting her chin up to stare at his face, "Just look her in the eyes like this, and tell her: how _worthless_ she is to you."

"_I never loved you."_

Damon recoiled, flinching under her gaze as the night he bore out his soul flashed back into his head.

"_It was always Stefan."_

"Like I said," the same voice brought him back to the house, "ridiculous."

Damon's breath came out shaky as nerves rattled through him.

Katherine turned and walked away as if having said her peace, leaving him standing alone in the hall.

There was only so much resolve a man could have before someone finally shook him, especially someone as harsh as Katherine. She—she was lying. She had to be. He hadn't realized it until they were in the heat of their argument but she had done some selfless things. Selfless things that didn't fit the twisted picture of Katherine that had grown and festered in his head.

One hundred and forty-five years of the perfect picture of the perfect woman shattered in a couple months—a couple days, no—_one night_.

She was lying, because despite the way she had ripped out his heart and stomped it flat his love hadn't died away like it should've. And he knew this only because he _hated_ himself for it. How could he be so weak when it came to hating her after everything she had put him through?

He bit the inside of his cheek, tasting iron moments later. With those feelings in mind he couldn't have been sired previously and it would be impossible for him to be sired now. Damon Salvatore loved Katherine Pierce and the selfless things she had done for him behind his back made him realize he hadn't asked the right question.

He heard the fridge slam shut just as he pushed through the swinging doors to the kitchen.

"You're still here?" Katherine uttered in exasperation. He observed the open duffle bag in front of her as she dropped a blood bag inside.

"Where are you going?"

"What part of go away didn't you understand?" she zipped up the bag and briefly glanced at him, "I have better things to do than entertain your delusions."

"Just answer this, and I'll leave you alone."

Katherine blinked, then turned her head away from him and sighed a second later. He took that as a sign to ask.

"Why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Save me from the bite? Help us out? Tell Stefan to save me?"

Katherine grew quiet and for the first time Damon could read her expression. For once he could see how it wasn't overshadowed by the mask she wore constantly—the one that switched from flirtatious to taunting, to deadly in seconds. Even if briefly, he noticed the struggle in her eyes.

Observing this left him, to say the least, surprised.

Her eyes closed with her sigh and when they opened, the emotion was gone. Stepping from behind the counter she shook her head, "Why do you want to know, Damon? What difference is this going to make?"

"Because—"

"Why can't you just let sleeping dogs lie? Let it go."

"_Because_," he repeated over the interruption, stepping towards her, "they're not asleep. Not for me. You don't understand."

She frowned, watching as he began to get worked up.

"145 years, Katherine. _One hundred and forty-five years_. That's how long I was in love with you… or—or the idea of you. Some might think that's naïve, maybe. It sure as hell has been inconvenient, as you've called it. But that doesn't change how I _felt_! And even now as I've tried to convince myself I've moved on?!"

He paused in emphasis. He loved Elena, he did, but… Katherine.

"You really think I could just let it be? It haunts me, Kat. Not as much as before but _you_ haunt me. And that can't be a sire bond because I can't get rid of you. You're _in_ me, Katherine," he reached out, barely touching her—his thoughts momentarily traveling back in time as the tips of his fingers graze over her curls as if brushing her hair behind her ear. "Even after everything… I—I can't get you out. It's physically _impossible_ for me to let you go. Not without a definite closure."

Now this was familiar.

Subconsciously, a fist clamped around his heart. No matter how many times he told himself it was nothing, or however many times she had taunted him for it, this part—the answer, always broke his heart. Damon may love Katherine (or Elena or anybody else) but she wasn't in love with him—no one ever was.

This time though, he wasn't asking for her love.

"I want closure."

Katherine broke their gaze, moving away from him. "I already told you the answer, Damon."

He frowned, roughly grabbing her arm to turn her, "I'm serious, Katherine. I deserve that much! I just told you… You have a grip on me. Just let me go."

"What do you want me to say!" she ripped away from his grasp. Maybe it was his persistence but she snapped, "I've already said how I never loved you! What? Do you want to hear how I've loved you this whole time?! That it wasn't just Stefan, rather it wasn't him at all?! That I didn't let love get in the way not because I chose to but because I couldn't!?

I'm a survivor, Damon, and survivors are surrounded by casualties. Do you think this is some kind of fucked up romantic gesture about how I never took you with me because I didn't want you to be one of them? Do you want to hear that the reason I stayed away was to protect you?"

Damon's lips parted as her words ran him through. Nevermind her anger because never had he considered that thought. When she came back, he didn't care. He didn't need an explanation—at least not an immediate one. All they needed was their defining moment and the rest would follow. He had believed in that so much he hadn't considered the possibility of her rejection. That had thrown him off, along with any reasoning he would've come up with for why she may have to rip out his heart. Reason—that night, had drifted off as she walked away.

In an instant her back was pressed to the fridge and Damon's hand was at her throat. She made to push him away but something in his face stopped her. Maybe it was how his eyes now scanned her face in astonishment or something other. Either way he couldn't believe it. How had he never noticed it before?

Her eyes, they lacked any real fury, and her voice; it seemed to hold back any actual heat.

Was she—was she confessing these things?

"It wasn't," Katherine added lamely to her speech. "And it wouldn't change a thing."

He huffed, clenching his jaw and leaning close. "You're a coward."

"Excuse me?"

"You're a coward," he repeated, "If nothing would change, admit it. Tell me how you really felt."

It was like the dark storm clouds were suddenly parting. If she didn't even have a semblance of feeling towards him, so many things did not add up. Turning him. Saving him. Katherine could always blame it on Stefan but how did she explain 1864? Taking the time to teach his human self the vampire way to live? Showing her face to him but hiding behind compulsion from Stefan? Having Emily tell him (and only him) that she was still somehow alive under the church, giving him hope?

Katherine's brow knitted as she stared at him.

This time it was her that reached out, pulling him so that their lips met in a heated kiss. He kissed her, his tongue moving against hers as he leaned in. It was brief, and he jolted back once her hands roamed to the collar of his jacket.

He pushed off the fridge, stepping away.

He didn't even have to say a word.

"You weren't sired Damon," she spoke and this time nothing in his head screamed back at him. "But this? We aren't anything."

Damon frowned, "Aren't we? What was that then? Don't tell me it was just lust because its not! Tell me how you felt… no, tell me how you _feel_."

"You really think that hearing me say how much you meant to me will somehow change anything? I can't give you what you want, Damon!"

"Why not?!" he retorted, "Klaus is dead! He's gone! If all you said is true then you have no reason not to be with me."

She shook her head, "Be with you? You want closure! I can't give you that."

"No. I want the _truth_. No more lies," he wanted nothing more than to step up, but he was scared.

All this shouting, all this talk. He was almost certain that Katherine never _not _loved him but how could he still be so afraid?

"The truth is I love you," he said, "You know this and I fucking hate myself for it but I _still_ love you despite all the shit you put me through!"

He could give out his love but when it came to genuinely receiving it back? The answer was almost always a _no_. And this, right now? This had to be his closest _maybe_ yet.

"I wasn't sired, but why would you save me? Help me? Abandon the one time we actually could've gotten rid of Klaus before we figured out the effects of killing an original?"

Katherine stared at him with a look. The same one he had seen long before he turned into a vampire. He had seen it only once, randomly as they had laid in a field after sneaking away. That look made him forget about everything; his father, the war, Stefan… Elena. It was just them; him and Katherine.

She shook her head again, placing her hands together. It was small but he could see the way she shook.

Good, because he was too. He felt nervous as he spoke, a conclusion he couldn't quite believe on the tip of his tongue, "Say it."

Katherine remained silent but her lack of response gave him some confidence. She was at least no longer denying anything. It gave him (dare he say) _hope_. Could it be true?

He stepped closer, "Say it, Katherine, because if anything I do deserve to know."

"Damon—"

"You have nothing to lose," he insisted, "With everything to gain. Say it."

"Everything to gain?" she pushed at his chest, he was too close, "That's just it! How can you say that?"

"Say what?"

"I don't deserve your love, Damon! And I'm not going to claim it! I've hurt you, I know I have, in the worst way possible. How can you think this will fix anything? How can you think _I_ can fix _you_?"

"Because you're the only person who can! If you didn't love me, if everything was some stupid effort to keep me around for Stefan's sake then say so! But if you do…" he shook off the already increasing feeling of hope, "if you do, then all you have to do is say the word, because, deserving or not I don't think anything will ever change the fact that… never will I ever not love you, Katherine Pierce."

He couldn't believe he was saying this. Hadn't he promised himself he'd moved on? Hadn't he come here only for sire bond answers?

Her shoulders dropped.

"Klaus is gone. You have nothing to run from anymore. Nothing to stop you."

A look of defeat fluttered over her face, and she swallowed. "You."

His eyes narrowed.

"You scare me, Damon. Your love scares me. How can someone love so unconditionally? After choosing myself time and time again, how can you look at me and still think of love? I care about you, Damon, but—"

"You _c__are_?"

"I—" Katherine shook her head and closed her eyes, "I love you, Damon."

Damon let go of the breath he'd been holding; he felt like he was dreaming. His heart was beating so loudly against his chest, he thought he was going deaf. He couldn't stop from shaking.

"But I don't deserve you. I never have."

"_No_!" he shouted, speeding so that his face was only inches from hers, "You can't do that!"

"I may be selfish Damon but, if we're really being honest, you deserve better."

"Didn't you hear me? I don't care if you deserve it, I don't care what I deserve! I don't care! There is no one else I want as much as you, Katherine. And I don't think there's anyone else I'll ever long for as much as I've longed for you. Nothing is stopping us from being together," he pulled her to him and she let him.

"I have waited over one hundred years for you to say those words to me. We've already established how insane I am to still love you, so what the hell makes you think I want to wait any fucking longer?"

She opened her mouth to protest but he kissed her instead, forcing her to hold onto to him.

Swiftly, he sped them around, pushing so that her back arched into the counter. She pulled off his jacket as he pulled away, shoving the duffle bag aside and trailing kisses down her jaw, onto her neck. She moaned softly, running her fingers through his hair and gripping them at the roots.

"Say it again," he muttered between a kiss, coming to a spot he knew drove her crazy. He felt her tense as she hesitated.

He only stopped momentarily before she replied.

"I love you, Damon," she gasped, "I have always loved you."

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**A/N: Please please please review! **


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